Erin's Site

Ever think your having one of those bad dreams where you just cant seem to wake up? well let me tell ya a little story.
last july i started talking to this guy. it was nothing more than uh mutual friendship for the longest time. Then suddenly this guy starts telling me he loves me in sept sometime. I thought maybe i was hearing him wrong but i didnt ask either. a month goes by and hes still saying it. now mind you...im kinda crazy about him. so i say it back. then it was talking all the time to each other. he would talk to my lil girl on the phone. we started making random plans to meet. he lives quite a few states away mind you. the first set of ’plans’ fell thro as did a couple more after that. by now i guess you could say i let myself have a ’connection’ with this guy. so much so that if things were wrong with him i knew it cuz i would start having panick attacks out of the blue. i would call. he would tell me what was wrong we would talk it out and everything was fine. 2 weeks ago we moved. i called him  crying over the things i was put thro that day. btw...we had made plans to meet when i took vacation in april. i was going to go there with my little girl for a few days to see how things went.  anyways....i wasnt sure if i was going to have the money as i was working on it. but suddenly he started telling me hes busy at work lately and very busy at night and cant talk as much or at all anymore. not allowed on internet at work, etc. (are yall thinkin bullshit like i was?!?! good cuz if we know anything about him hes a partner at that job and i highly doubt anything was takin away from him) so i let it go. who am i to say bullshit right off the bat? right?! lol next thing i know im getting panick attacks alot. random hours of the day n night. for no reason. i wondered why but just thought maybe they were from the new stress of moving. Low and behold im asked to go vote for him (dont ask!) i put it off till this morning. when i go theres another girl there saying the same lines i used to say to him....’’i love you baby’...i got thinking hmmmmm lets put some things together shall we.... lol so i hastily put on my spy gear...leaving no expense unpaid. i went and spied n checked things out for myself. sure enough her little page says shes in love with him and hes her boyfriend and they are so happy together and blahblahfuckinblah lol shit that makes ya wanna gag i mean really lol yeah ok so maybe i thought the same mushy thoughts about him but i ALWAYS kept a dose of reality in my back pocket about this guy. I see hes a player.  im not fuckin stupid lol you can only tell me so  many bullshit stories and me  not start steppin in them lol  so i  called him out on it. asked him straight up n dont lie to me are you seeing someone from where you live. FINALLY a fuckin honest answer!! he said yes. but he says it was unintentional as they met thro mutual friends and it just clicked. *coughsBULLSHITcoughs* he never meant to hurt me and he still loves me and hes so sorry.
ill admit i cried. for a few minutes. i shook like a leaf everytime another message would come with him telling me his version of the truth. ya wanna know what his real reason when it boils right down to it was?? he thought that i wouldnt get the money to be able to go to see him so he started dating this girl whom im willing to bet has a more profound effect in his life than hes leading on...im not sayin what in case the twat reads this lol oh btw neither you nor my man deserve me!
so in essence ladies....get that connection with the man your throwin i love yous at....then pay attention when your body starts telling you things are wrong. put on your spy gear and get to work!! chances are hes going to end up being a worthless cunt just like this one was lol bad at lying too.

but as an after thought i will say some nice things about this guy....he helped me see when i was at my lowest point that i am a beautiful person and sexy and i can have any man i want. i dont have to deal with the shit ive been dealing with and there is someone out there that will treat me good and love me for me. i had no self esteem and no self worth but thanks to this man and our long talks i realized that i am worth it. i deserve better and im going to take it by the horns! he helped me to see when i was too down on myself. and for that i am eternally greatful to this guy. thank you again for helping me to see. ill miss our long goofy talks but theres a reason why things didnt last. theres always a reason why people come into your life. but you dont realize it till they are gone. he gave me the confidence to move forward in my life. for the sake of my lil one and i. he gave me the confidence to put my foot down and say ive had enough and not be scared of the consquences.
to that guy...i say thank you again. I hope you have a nice life. This is the end of the road for us. I had alot of good times and have some very fond memories that i will take with me for a very long time. But she can have you!! lmao Been there rode that horse and put him away wet and drained thankyouveryfuckinmuch!!!! lmfao